"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
i've created a new STD.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
