I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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