I puked a lego.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
