ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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