Will you blow on my dice?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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