The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
