you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
