at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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