the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
This baby is an asshole
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
