Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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