NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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