I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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