I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
