First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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