Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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