stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
