The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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