I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
