Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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