Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize