Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
