I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just pee around me
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
