Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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