Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize