how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
