god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
