Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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