Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
