Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
