Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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