when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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