I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
