Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize