One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Couch. On fire.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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