Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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