the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
