We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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