After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
