Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I would fuck him just for his dog
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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