Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
