It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
