some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
