there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
