I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
