that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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