I think I am morally bankrupt
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
