Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
