so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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