I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
