I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I AM VODKA MAN
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
