how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
