The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I cut my penus on the lid.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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