I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
