Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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