I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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