You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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