The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Someone signed my nipple.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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