My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
