he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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