I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
