Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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