my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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